I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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