There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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