PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize