I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
A+ Viking dick
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize