I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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