her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
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I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
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Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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