im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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