Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize