Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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