I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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