Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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