He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
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So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
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I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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