i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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