So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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