im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize