I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
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Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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