Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
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I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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