Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
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We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
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Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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