If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
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I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
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Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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