you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
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You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
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I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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