Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
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I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
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We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You were trust falling into bushes
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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