How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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