so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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