True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize