I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
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We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
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There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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