Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
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