So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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