the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
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Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
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ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Panties = found
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