I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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