I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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