took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
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I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
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Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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