he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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