so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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