sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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