people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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