then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
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I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
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Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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