I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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