we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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