Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
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About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
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I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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