I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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