I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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