i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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