why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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