First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
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If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
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I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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