friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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