She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
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All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
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I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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