just tell him i said nine months
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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