I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I looked at my own cervix.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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