you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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