New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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